Whod you bang
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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