Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
