Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
birth control should be required to get into college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
