I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
