got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
