does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
