The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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