im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just high enough for therapy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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