Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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