a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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