I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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