i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
