i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
