I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
