So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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