it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
