i wish my penis had a tongue
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize