my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
