Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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