how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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