You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
