You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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