There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
