Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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