I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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