We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
