Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
