I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
