i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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