somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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