This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
