if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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