you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
