the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
