i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
