Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
