how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's never too late to be topless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize