Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
