Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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