I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
