the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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