He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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