oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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