What a fucking waste of an outfit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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