Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
