I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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