remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
