Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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