She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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