Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
