Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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