I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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