Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
