Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
