I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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