did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
