READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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