I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
