im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize