I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
