You smell like stripper and shame
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
