your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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