So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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