I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
