First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
