My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
