and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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