I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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