I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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