She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
