Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
