Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
