...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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