I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
