how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
