The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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