did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize