Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
