I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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