Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
