oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
