I just cut my nipple shaving
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
