My underwear smells like fireworks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
