she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is not my ceiling
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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